Aging attitudes

(French actresses Isabelle Huppert and Catherine Devenue)

One thing I particularly admire about the French is their unapologetic attitude to female aging. Yes. They still have a lot of models ages 18-24. And, they still glorify the youthful female form. But what's different than in the States, as I have learned, is that they also hold the older sexy woman up as something to be praised. She isn't hiding in the shadows with a "Mom" haircut. She isn't called a "cougar" (I think a very insulting term) just because she may like a younger man here and there. She is sexy in her own right to the French, and her wisdom, courage, intellect, and grace are acknowledged. She isn't invisible.
All too often, the more I read about the good parts about being French and living in France, the more the bad parts of the U.S. are highlighted to me. Of course, there are great things about the country I live in, but there are also bad things. We are bombarded on a day to day basis with young and nubile early 20 somethings and yes, late 20-somethings and early 30-somethings. Yes, it is natural, especially for men, to glorify these girls. They are after all, in their most fertile years. So, it goes along with reproduction and nature. However, if this were the only excuse to totally ignore older women or simply call them "cougars" then France would be doing the same thing. I think, here in America, people could learn a thing or two from the French when it comes to how we treat our women.
The French, although, some American women may see the men as pushy, LOVE women. There is such a love of women, in all her forms, a woman, Marianne, is the symbol of France! It seems, that although there are the bad sides to the fashion industry--not just in France but in every country, the overall good side to the representation of women in France is there is more acceptance of all ages.
Living in such an ageist culture as the U.S. (yes, I know I am only 26) can be daunting for a woman. It is refreshing to know, that any reasonably attractive woman of any age, with something interesting to say, is valued in France. Living French, in this way, many in the States would do well to do. Perhaps, that would help more women to truly realize their life has not ended past the age of 35. It's only half way there!

Confidence in your decisions

Symbol of France Marianne

One thing I have noticed in my readings about French women is they are so confident. They are in their ability to look good and still natural, say what they think, walk away from a situation they don't like--whether it be at work or in a relationship, and they make no apologies for it! In some aspects of my life, this is easy. In others...not so much.

I always find myself second guessing when it comes to friends or romantic relationships. Could I have done better? What is it that I could do better? Rather than also look equally or more at the other person, I always rethink, requestion, reanalyze the situation. Lately, with Buddhist inspiration, and adding French flair, I've been trying not to do this. However, being a certain way almost 27 years of my life has made old habits hard to break. Why is that, according to these books I read, French women can demand what they want and just walk away more easily from difficult relationships than most American women can? Where do they get this unapologetic attitude? I want that. I want that strength. Don't get me wrong, when a man on the street comes at me with a tone or a woman tries to walk all over me, I stand up and declare my refusal to put up with it. I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about those personal relationships that you've been in for a while--that get uncomfortable, hurtful, even painful, and when the time comes, for some reason it's hard to let go.

Of course, I am majorly generalizing here, as American women can be strong and unapologetic, and French women can be indecisive and worried. However, as whole, there seems to be more French women in the first category. I'm hoping to understand this by reading more and trying to emulate this behavior through meditation.

What's their secret? Why do they do this? How do they do this? How can I do this in my own life and not look back so much? These are the questions I am trying to answer. These are the things I need to do not just to learn to let go but to really see what it's like to live on my terms. My rules. It's my life after all. Shouldn't I be making them?

Taking each day as it comes

Living French, so far to me, means most of all living one day at a time. I no longer try to accelerate the pace of my life with worry, doubt, and frustration. I no longer look back at the past as much. I generally, now, try to enjoy every passing moment in this day that I can.

Of course, I am not perfect. I still do these bad things, but not as much. Perhaps, it is the French books I have been reading. Perhaps, it is just knowing I will turn 27 in September, so a sense of maturity lingers in me with the knowledge that 30 will be soon. Perhaps, it's also that I don't have the perfect job, the husband, the kids, that I just "knew" I'd have as a beaming 21 year old. With life, comes the unexpected and the unplanned. Living French, it seems, is to enjoy those aspects.

The French, in general, from what I have learned, feel less of a pressure to marry and do not place such a high emphasis on career that Americans do. Unfortunately, this is something I do feel pressure to do every day; and unlike a French girl who is truly French, I am living in America. Marriage and children and great jobs with high salaries are the "have it all" that many American women feel the pressure to have, in a bad or good economy, whether they like it or not.

Learning to be French, helps me to escape these pressures--to remember what it is to really understand what life is about. Having good friends, a good lover boyfriend or husband (or a few), enjoying the sights I see, the food I eat, and having something intelligent and passionate to say about life. I have all of these things, but every so often I feel a sense of insecurity or that typical American feeling of never having enough.

Then I think, maybe I am not just living French, but I am really trying to live Buddhist. After all, I have been reading books about Buddhism like "The energy of Prayer" and "Peace is Every Step" by Thich Nhat Hanh, who ironically has a sanctuary in Southern France. Perhaps, this is something I have been truly striving for in my journey to be more French, simplicity, in the Buddhist kind of way. Each day is a new day to be aware of and accept, no matter what. To take it as it comes. To enjoy it. To let it pass. Then to see the next day and the next...

French things: the expenses

Finding French things can be a bit much on the pocket. As an American, living a French lifestyle can be rather expensive. For instance, getting things like apertif and digestif and fresh ingredients would be affordable in France. However, in America, the land of excess and high calorie food with little nutrition, buying fresh is an expensive luxury, and drinking before and after a meal for other purposes is almost unheard of.

As a result, it is costly. So, I suppose I'll have to improvise, since my budget is tight and find ways to live French with an American girl's budget. I suppose that's the point though, enjoying a simple life where I relax, eat and enjoy my food, rest, and take life as it comes.

A very good little film

Mr. Hulot in Mr. Hulot's Holiday

Mr. Bean in Mr. Bean's Holiday

The movie I watched the other night, Mr. Hulot's Holiday, was very entertaining. All in black and white, with very little dialog, it was hilarious. I have to say, I really enjoyed myself. Not only that, but it reminded me a bit of Mr. Bean or more accurately, Mr. Bean's Holiday. Mr. Bean, being an English show/movie franchise, about a bumbling but harmless fool who disaster always follows seems to have been taking from this old French film. Ah, the rivalry of the English and French--even with fictional characters! There is always a little competition between the two, because everyone knows, the French and the English have a love/hate kind of relationship.

I actually prefer Mr. Hulot to Mr. Bean, although, I do like Mr. Bean. With less dialog in Mr. Hulot, and the time period (which was around the 1940s in the movie) the mishaps he has and accidents he causes are actually more humorous than when these same things are set in modern times. Overall, a nice little movie.

I also would like to watch Coco Avant Chanel. I absolutely respect her for what she contributed to women as far as making us feel that we can be more comfortable and wear what we like--not always what pleases the men. (Hence, Ms. Chanel's contribution to helping make the corset go out of style). This is a film that I think I will order from On Demand on my t.v. this week.

As for living more French, other than watching French films, I have to refresh myself a bit and get more ideas. I was walking everywhere yesterday, everywhere, because I had a day off. My thoughts alluded me and I kept thinking of what I can do next that's French. Then, I realized that my act of obsessing and planning was very un-French. I was not being relaxed enough.

So, I'm going to get some new ideas and try them out. Then, of course, I'll write about how they went.

Bonsoir!

-Anne

Cooking, Seeing a movie etc...

(Eiffel tower apron)

I have been on a bit of a vacation from this blog for a while. Well, it was more of a sick vacation, as I didn't feel well the last week I didn't write. However, now finally back to feeling better, I have been back to cooking--something I have always loved. However, I now more than ever, cook everything from scratch and from the best ingredients I can afford.

I do not always make French dishes. On the contrary, I make French dishes, but also Italian, Asian, Indian, American etc. What I do differently while "living French" is I make sure to use butter not vegetable oil (which by the way I have never used--it used to be the healthier version, canola oil). I always always make sure to have a balanced meal. I also take more time to make a nice place setting to eat together, as I want to really enjoy my food. According to the book Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl, this is a very French thing to do. Sitting down to eat, enjoying the food. And, not to insult anyone who may read or who has written a book about a French woman's diet, I want to make it clear I am not eating this way in hope that I'll lose a few. I am a healthy size 6/8 and proud of it. If I lose weight, that's life. If I don't, that's life. C'est la vie. I don't aspire to be stick thin, as the only time I was stick thin (between 21 and 23) was because I was literally starving myself in the dorm I lived in my college, since the food was so bad. I love food! I just couldn't find anything edible in my college, nor did I have the money to buy things to cook. So, naturally, I gained a little bit of weight cooking all my own things when I lived on my own and had a job to buy good food. I actually ate healthier, but I ate more, so I gained a bit of weight. I'm still small, but curvy and I like it that way. So, to make a long story short, paying attention to the quality in my ingredients even more than I have been doing is a benefit because I think it's healthy, but I don't care if I lose weight or not, as long as my clothes fit and I maintain my current weight. I am happy with the way I look now. And isn't that supposed to be a French saying, too? Joie de vivre? Enjoying life in this moment, just the way things are, just the way I am. I'm finding the joy in life, and how can someone find any joy in life if they don't enjoy food?

I also cut my bangs! I love them so much, and now going back to something more like my natural color, bringing my bangs back, and being more natural with my look, I actually feel more like myself! I don't walk around thinking I'm French. Although, I am now seeing this is the point. French women want to look and therefore, feel more like a great version of themselves. And although I got many compliments on my previous long red hair, I feel more confident and comfortable in my natural brown hair and even more so with my bangs back.

(poster for French film "Les Vacances de Monsieur Hulot")

Aside from cooking and bangs, I plan to see an old French film tomorrow with one of my friends, mes amies. We are going to an historic theater that often plays independent and classic films. The movie is called "Mr. Hulot's Holiday" (Les Vancances de Monsieur Hulot) . It's supposed to be a comedy about a bachelor who stays in a resort and causes a series of events to occur. It's a comedy, so hopefully, it will be good. I love comedies and I'm a fan of old movies, so this one should be good. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. I'll write about the movie and do a mini review. Until then, I also plan to take photographs of some of the clothing I have been wearing. Although, I normally dress well, lately, I have been paying attention to make my style a bit more like that of the pictures of Parisians I see on various French fashion blogs I am a fan of. This will be a later blog I will write. Before then, I'll be writing about other things.

Bonsoir.

Anne

Some bangs maybe and ordering books

(Zooey Deschanel)

I know. Zooey isn't French, but by looking at pictures on the Satorialist, Easy fashion, and garancedore.fr she has a very similar hairstyle to many French women I see pictures of. Since I dyed my hair back to my natural brown (like hers) and am in need of a newer and fresher style for spring, I thought why not? I guess since I have been sick these past few days and haven't been blogging or doing anything else lately, I had a chance to think about doing this in my boredom. I had a similar style to hers for a couple of years before I went red, and I did love it. Although, the bangs are a bit high maintenance, they're worth it, and as a French-esq woman, I need to be completely okay with putting more and more time into the way I look than I did before.

(Jessica Simpson in Paris posing with her two best friends, Cacee Cobb and Ken Paves)

Watching reruns of Jessica Simpson's The Price of Beauty, I caught the epsiode on Paris and got some insider French beauty tips from the model that they were talking with. She reiterated the fact that French women are very careful and painstaking when it comes to coming across looking natural. They will always have a budget for fashion and beauty and would rather cut something else out of their spending than not spend on looking good. Reaffirming what I have already read, I think it's safe to say I'm getting the French woman's philosophy on beauty, down pat.

Aside from looks, I have got to get that French lifestyle thing down, and I'm doing it little by little--trying to listen more and talk less, eat my meals slowly and in French themed food groups, flirting a little--not for a date but just because I'm a woman, walking with my head held high. These little things I have been able to employ in my every day life so far, and though they are small, they have made me feel like a new woman!

So, in order to make this transformation complete, I'm going to need some more help--more books will be my guide. I'm also ordering some tonight on Amazon. I already have Entre Nous: A woman's guide to finding her inner french girl, which I ordered about a year ago. Although it's a fun read, I think it's a bit outdated, so I need more! The Essence of Style: How the French Invented High Fashion, Fine Food, Chic Cafes, Style, Sophistication, and Glamour, All You Need to Be Impossibly French: A Witty Investigation into the Lives, Lusts, and Little Secrets of French Women, and Fatale : How French Women Do It , I'm ordering them tonight. Hope they're as good as they sound! If anyone has any good French-themed book suggestions, please give me the titles in your comments. Until next time, Bonsoir, tout le monde!

-Anne